5 Warning Signs That Your Childhood Trauma is Affecting Your Adult Relationships

Mar 2, 2023 | Mental Health

According to research, in the United States, many children are abused or neglected, and over 680,000 children were abused in 2015.

This type of childhood trauma can have long-lasting effects into adulthood and can affect an individual’s marriage in a variety of ways. Ashley’s story is a great example of how childhood trauma can affect an individual’s ability to trust and build a healthy relationship.

Living in a poor neighborhood and coming from a broken home, Ashley grew up facing abuse and neglect, leaving her unable to trust people. She was a victim of sexual abuse committed by her uncle and verbal aggression by her father. The violence she experienced in her childhood slowly manifested in her relationships as she grew older, so whenever she was stressed over an event, she would tend to get verbally aggressive as if she was replaying a scenario from her childhood. Ashley’s story is a testament to the powerful impact that childhood trauma can have on one’s ability to form healthy relationships.

It’s important to heal from childhood trauma, and it is essential to recognize and acknowledge childhood trauma as a significant factor in adult life. Ashley’s story shows how important it is to heal from traumatic events in childhood if you want to have better relationships as an adult.

Here are the five warning signs you should be aware of in order to begin recognizing the traumatic events you have been through.

Emotionally fueled disagreements:

When we are constantly scolded as children or observe others being criticized, we learn that this is a normal way to communicate our frustration and anger in interpersonal interactions. We carry this learned behavior into our adult lives, and it can be difficult to recognize the warning signs when someone is beginning to raise their voice, become aggressive, or act out in a way that isn’t healthy.

Withdrawal or unresponsiveness:

If we don’t learn how to handle conflict constructively and effectively, we also don’t learn how to mend a relationship following the inevitable disagreement that arises in relationships. This may manifest as denying what occurred, failing to recognize when or how to reach a compromise, or giving silent treatment. People who are withdrawn tend to freeze and shut down during a conflict, leaving the other partner feeling unheard and frustrated.

Avoiding confrontation and not discussing issues:

All relationships have conflict, but children who grew up in homes where caregivers often quarreled or actively avoided conflict fail to develop the communication skills required for effective and healthy communication. When they grow up, they tend to please their partner and be passive when their partner attempts to raise a problem.

Needing a lot of alone time or space:

Children who grow up in chaotic or unexpected environments generally experience high levels of stress and are most likely to be hypervigilant. Later, as adults, they develop the need for a lot of alone time to relieve their worry, anxiety, and fear. They tend to run away when they experience stressful events within their relationships.

Trying to change partner:

Children learn to make do with what they have because they have no control over who their caretakers are. This habit frequently persists as they get older, and it manifests in their romantic relationships, leading them to want their partners to change in order to successfully manage their own relationship anxieties. They can convince themselves that they are capable of having a successful relationship if they can “fix” the other person and make them a better companion.

When we are exposed to traumatic events, we should be aware that the effects of these events can have long-term implications on our behavior and relationships, that’s why it’s important to recognize our trauma response and learn how this affects our present behavior. (Find out your trauma fear response through this quiz.)

Don’t worry. The trauma you experience can be managed with the right kind of support and understanding. It is important to seek professional help if you feel that your trauma response is negatively impacting your life.