Louise is always praised as a good critic. During college, her friends sought her opinion on their papers, and even at work now, her colleagues see her as the go-to judge of their work; however, little did they know that being a competent critic is not always rainbows and butterflies for Louise.
As a result, being an opinionated critic has a negative impact on her as well. Negative criticism is the only kind of criticism she can give to herself. While she gives others “positive criticism”, she gives herself all the negative criticism.
“You see his face? Though he may have said that your write-up was “Amazing,” his face showed something else. You should have done better!”
“You’ve failed at being a mother again! You were late at your own daughter’s recital!”
“You haven’t done any good work since you started in this company, and soon you will be replaced by that new colleague of yours!”
These are a few of the negative things Louise says to herself. All. The. Time. Yes! All the time. Sometimes she just wishes that her critic skills would disappear. No matter how helpful and positive she can be for others, she just can’t do it for herself. All she has to say to herself is negative criticism.
You’re now curious why she can’t be a positive critic of herself. We’ll tell you the answer soon.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Negative self-talk is when your inner voice constantly focuses on negative thoughts and becomes an inner critic. An inner critic is a voice inside your head that tells you that you are not good enough. It’s the part of you that puts you down and tells you that you can’t do something. The inner critic can be very loud and can make you feel terrible about yourself.
What Causes Negative Self-Talk?
There are a number of reasons why people may start engaging in negative self-talk.
1 . Stress: One of the most common triggers is stress. When you’re under pressure, you may be tempted to doubt your abilities and feel like you’re not good enough. This can lead you to start putting yourself down in your head.
2. Anxiety: Another trigger of negative self-talk is anxiety. When you’re feeling anxious, you may start to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. You may also start to believe that you’re not capable of dealing with the situation. This can lead to you talking to yourself in a negative way. You can keep your anxiety away by practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 Breathing Exercise.
3. Low Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem can also be a cause of negative self-talk. If you don’t feel confident about yourself, you may start to believe that you’re not worthy of good things happening to you. You may also start to think that you’re not good enough for other people. You might put yourself down in your mind as a result.
Negative self-talk can be harmful to our mental and physical health. Being aware of your triggers for negative self-talk and overcoming them is important.
How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk?
Here are a few things that you can do to overcome negative self-talk.
1 . Be aware:
You need to become aware of your self-talk. Pay attention to the thoughts that you are thinking. Are they positive or negative? If they are negative, try to reframe them in a more positive light. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m such a failure,” try thinking, “I’m doing my best and I’m learning from my mistakes.”
2. Challenge yourself:
To overcome negative self-talk, it is to challenge your negative thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are actually true. Are you really a failure? Or are you just making a mistake? If you can see that your thoughts are not really true, then you can start to let them go.
3. Practice self-compassion:
You can practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Would you tell your friend that they are a failure? Or would you be supportive and understanding? Be your own best friend and give yourself the compassion and understanding that you need.
Now let’s go back to Louise’s situation. Her inner critic or negative self-talk is based on her own experiences and beliefs. She grew up being told that she wasn’t good enough, which led her to believe that about herself. In addition, she had a terrible experience when she was young, when she was humiliated in a contest she entered. This also led her to believe that she would never be good enough.
The inner critic or negative self-talk is the voice inside our heads that is very harmful. It’s important to recognize the inner critic and to try to silence it. You start by always recognizing your own worth and by accepting yourself for who you are.
Shirley Therapeutic and Consulting Services, LLC, is a diverse therapy clinic that can meet the needs of anyone. If you’d like to talk about your mental health, feel free to message us here. In case of emergency or thoughts of suicide, please click on this link: https://www.sprc.org/states/georgia
References:
Healthdirect Australia. (n.d.). Self-talk. healthdirect. Retrieved December 27, 2022, from https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-talk
Managing my inner critic. Managing my inner critic | Defence Health Hub. (n.d.). Retrieved December 27, 2022, from https://health.nzdf.mil.nz/your-health/mind/managing-my-inner-critic/
