“You’re just being too sensitive!”
“You’re such a drama queen.”
You’ve noticed a pattern in your relationship where your partner consistently cancels plans at the last minute without a valid reason. You express your disappointment and frustration, hoping for open communication and understanding. However, instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they turn the situation around and blame you for being too demanding or sensitive. In short, you’re being gaslighted.
They gaslight you by making you question your own expectations and emotions, leaving you feel guilty for expressing your needs. They minimize your feelings, making you think you’re overreacting or unreasonable. This gaslighting pattern leaves you feeling confused, invalidated, and unsure of your own worth in the relationship.
If you have watched the popular short film of Taylor Swift’s song, “All Too Well” and listened to the song by WILLOW titled “Gaslight”, you can get a bit of an idea of how gaslighting works. But, if you haven’t seen it yet, let me explain everything about gaslighting to you.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a kind of manipulation that can be seen most of the time in abusive and toxic relationships. The abuser here misleads their target by making them question their own judgements and reality. The victim then begins to feel confused about their perceptions, which can sometimes lead to questions about their sanity.
How Does It Affect Your Mental Health?
Your own mental health is the first thing that’ll affect you whenever someone is gaslighting you. It is important that you know how much it can affect you and in what way it is affecting your mental health already, because this can serve as a sign too that you are already being gaslighted (in case it still confuses how it works).
So here are some ways in which gaslighting affects your mental health:
1. You’re spending a lot of time apologizing.
You feel like you need to apologize for who you are and what you do, when in reality you shouldn’t be. Well, apologizing is okay, but excessive apologizing is bad already.
2. You constantly doubt yourself.
Doubting yourself always means you don’t trust yourself anymore; and not trusting yourself can lead to different kinds of mental health issues. If you start saying things to yourself, something like this: “Did I really perceive that wrong?” or “What? I think I remembered it wrong.”, you need to start seeking help immediately from a mental health professional.
3. Your confusion already results in anxiety.
Because you’re not always sure of what is happening, you become more anxious about whether what you are currently feeling is still true or not. I believe this is one of the most important signs that once you feel this, you have to set your boundaries with your gaslighter and seek help from a mental health professional.
What To Do If You’re Being Gaslighted?
If you suspect that you’re being gaslighted in a relationship, it’s important to recognize the signs and take proactive steps to protect your well-being. In this article, we will explore practical strategies to navigate gaslighting and empower yourself in the process.
1. Trust Your Gut:
The first step in addressing gaslighting is to trust your instincts. If something feels off or you consistently question your own experiences, it’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Gaslighters often try to make you doubt your perception of reality, but remember that your emotions and intuition are valid.
2. Educate Yourself:
Understanding the dynamics of gaslighting can help you gain clarity and perspective. Take the time to educate yourself about gaslighting tactics, patterns, and the impact they can have on your mental and emotional well-being. Knowledge is power, and arming yourself with information will empower you to recognize and address gaslighting behaviors.
3. Seek Support:
Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide a supportive and objective perspective. Discussing your experiences with someone who believes and validates your feelings can help you regain confidence in your own reality. Surround yourself with a support system that uplifts and empowers you.
4. Set Boundaries:
Establishing clear boundaries is essential when dealing with gaslighting. Clearly communicate your needs, expectations, and limits within the relationship. Trust yourself and stand firm in upholding these boundaries. Remember, your feelings and experiences are valid, and you deserve to be treated with respect and understanding.
5. Practice Self-Care:
Nurturing your well-being is crucial when dealing with gaslighting. Engage in self-care activities that promote self-love, self-compassion, and healing. This could include mindfulness exercises, journaling, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in therapy. Prioritize your mental and emotional health to regain your strength and resilience.
Watch our video below to learn how does gaslighting sounds like and identify if you’re experiencing these signs too.
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Now that we were able to talk about gaslighting, I have a question for you: Do any of the things I’ve mentioned seem relatable to you? If you answered yes, it is important that you seek immediate help from a mental health professional, such as ourselves. Shirley Therapeutic and Consulting Services, LLC is a diverse therapy clinic that can meet the needs of anyone. If you’d like to talk about your mental health, feel free to message us here.
If you’re confused about your relationship, it’s important to explore all possibilities for what’s happening. You suspect that you might not be experiencing gaslighting, but you’re facing the pain of being ghosted. Or maybe you’re caught in a web of uncertainty, wondering whether to save your marriage or let go. Or are you losing trust in your partner? These are all incredibly challenging situations. Which is why we have articles for you about them. No matter what you are going through with your relationships, whether with your partner, friends, or family, we’ve got you! Visit our blog page to read more articles.
References:
Gaslighting. GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog. (n.d.). Retrieved August 17, 2022, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/gaslighting
Gordon, S. (2022, July 25). Ways to tell if someone is gaslighting you. Verywell Mind. Retrieved August 17, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470
